Right here they Globe once more…
Getting ready for the 2024 Golden Globes, the award present made a bunch of reforms to its ethically wobbly voting physique, acquired a brand new proprietor and moved to a special community.
However none of these PR efforts matter a lot when the published seems as godawful as Sunday evening’s did.
If solely we’d 100% canceled the Globes once we had the possibility.
Wow, was this shindig agonizing. The night was unbearably unfunny and had simply two or three nice speeches over three lengthy hours.
The entire “celebrities get drunk for our amusement” shtick was nowhere to be discovered. A-listers slumped of their seats frowning as if detention nonetheless had 90 minutes left to go.
The No. 1 change the Globes ought to have made throughout its interval of grand reinvention? Scrap the host altogether until they will enlist any person as pleasant and hilarious as Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell had been once they offered.
Nicely, the Globes couldn’t, and viewers — to not point out the celebrities trapped within the Beverly Hilton’s ballroom — had been pressured to endure comic Jo Koy’s insufferable opening monologue.
His degree of humor was maybe greatest exemplified by his #Barbenheimer bit.
“‘Oppenheimer’ relies on a 721-page Pulitzer Prize-winning e book concerning the Manhattan Venture,” he stated. “And ‘Barbie’ is a couple of plastic doll with huge boobies.”
I groaned so loud I assumed my upstairs neighbor would possibly name 911.
Koy really made each “Oppenheimer” joke possible besides the obvious one: I’m bombing up right here!
The state of affairs grew to become so awkward that he snapped on the crowd prefer it was an off evening on the Comedy Cellar.
“Yo, I acquired the gig 10 days in the past,” the comedian stated. “You need an ideal monologue? Yo, shut up. I wrote a few of these, and people are those you’re gonna chortle at.”
Sure, Jo, a terrific strategy to start a three-hour broadcast is by telling the viewers, together with Meryl Streep and Martin Scorsese, to “shut up.”
One other paralyzingly bizarre second was when Koy poked enjoyable at Taylor Swift and soccer participant boyfriend Travis Kelce, who didn’t attend.
“The distinction between the Golden Globes and the NFL?,” Koy stated. “We’ve fewer digital camera pictures of Taylor Swift.”
Hardy har har.
The present minimize to the pop star, who took a sip of wine and stared forward obtrusive. Proper then, Taylor was all of us.
And the winners? They had been largely as anticipated with a sprinkle of upsets.
Sunday evening successfully ended the #Barbenheimer phenomenon. From now, till the Academy Awards we’re #Heimer ladies in a #Heimer world.
“Oppenheimer”’s Oscars probabilities, which had been already robust, acquired a significant enhance. Christopher Nolan’s wonderful film concerning the father of the atomic bomb received 5 Globes — essentially the most of any movie — greatest movement image – drama, actor (Cillian Murphy), director (Nolan), supporting actor (Robert Downey Jr.) and rating (Ludwig Göransson).
“Barbie”’s, in the meantime, plummeted throughout the board.
The eccentric “Poor Issues” beat out Margot Robbie’s Mattel film in one of the best movement image – comedy or musical class. The star of “Poor Issues,” Emma Stone, additionally bested Robbie for greatest actress – comedy or musical.
“Barbie,” which started the evening with 9 nods, solely managed wins for greatest music (“What Was I Made For?” by Billie Eilish and Finneas) and cinematic and field workplace achievement, which was actually a default prize for “congrats, you made essentially the most cash!”
One other huge loss was Bradley Cooper’s for greatest actor – drama. Murphy’s title was referred to as as a substitute, making it all of the extra doubtless that Cooper will lose the Oscar for the tenth time in March.
The actor can discover some solace in figuring out that final 12 months Austin Butler was victorious on the Globes for “Elvis,” whereas Brendan Fraser went on to take the Academy Award for “The Whale.”
Lily Gladstone received greatest actress – drama for her shifting portrayal of a wronged Native American girl in “Killers of the Flower Moon.”
The massive TV classes weren’t too stunning, however there have been some enjoyable twists.
“Succession” was all the time going to win greatest sequence – drama and actor, however who knew Kieran Culkin would take the stage as a substitute of co-star Jeremy Robust? Matthew Macfadyen and Sarah Snook additionally received for his or her work on the HBO sequence.
“The Bear” and its stars Jeremy Allen White received within the TV comedy classes, however so did an endearingly shocked Ayo Edebiri.
Too dangerous these blissful moments happened as soon as an hour.
Guess what? Subsequent week are the Emmys and the Critics’ Selection Awards. Then we’ll be handled to the SAGs and Oscars. It’s an excessive amount of.
The perfect reform the Globes may presumably make subsequent, for the sanity of everyone at dwelling, is to only name it quits.