Eight Christmas meals traditions that I’ll by no means perceive

In case you’ve clicked on this story hoping for a two-paragraph tirade about how dry and objectionable mince pies are, nope – sorry! Mince pies are superior. Fruity little parcels of warming spice, good for a day snack or post-dinner deal with. Some are higher than others, after all, however there’s no such factor as a nasty mince pie, solely not sufficient custard or ice-cream to pile on high of it.

I’ll additionally go in to bat for pudding and Christmas cake (maintain the icing) and, sure, panettone, significantly when there’s zabaglione, brandy and Bing Crosby on the facet. See additionally: shortbread, panforte and Germany’s glazed lebkuchen biscuits. If Danish butter cookies depend as Christmas biscuits, I’m right here all day for these blue tins, too.

However there are a number of Australian Christmas traditions I can’t get my head round. Reindeer ears on automobiles. A Santa Claus in board shorts throwing Minties from a hearth truck. Daryl Somers singing at Carols by Candlelight. As for festive meals and booze that doesn’t make sense …

Eggnog

I imply, you may’t say it tastes unhealthy – kind of a rum milkshake meets creme anglaise – however a glass-and-a-half of eggnog will destroy one of the best of us on Christmas Day. The negroni is a a lot lighter cocktail (a minimum of kilojoule-wise) to set you up for an extended lunch, whereas a rye whiskey Previous Normal stays the last word Christmas drink. It’s acquired the right combination of spice, kick and sweetness, plus a bonus sprint of festive orange. Eggnog is a meal unto itself.

Apple sauce

While you’re tired of cranberry sauce, you’re tired of Christmas. The shop-bought stuff is a bizarre and gloopy jam, but in addition surprisingly scrumptious, and one of the vital useful gamers on a Boxing Day sandwich. Apple sauce, nonetheless, is chilly and moist and for toothless infants. Positive, you may make a superb one from scratch, however wouldn’t you simply favor extra gravy?

Sweet canes

Just like the gingerbread home and five-year-old kids, sweet canes needs to be seen however not eaten. Your reward for eradicating the impossibly tight wrapper (“does anybody have lengthy fingernails?” ) is 20 minutes of navigating a bizarre, sticky form that your tongue by no means fairly is aware of what to do with.

Oysters mornay

Oysters at Christmas are as non-negotiable as prawns, ham and Chevy Chase. However I’ll by no means perceive the oddball Australian custom of topping Sydney rocks with sludgy roux and cheese. (Sure, I do know “mornay” has its roots in France, however the French are utilizing gruyere, not Bega Tasty.) Oysters Kilpatrick are good, although, and just about one of the best factor to pair with pink champagne to kick off Christmas lunch.

White Christmas

After I must focus, I don’t ponder the sound of 1 hand clapping. I ruminate on what vegetable shortening-laced Rice Bubbles deal with I might fairly eat much less – the white Christmas or the chocolate crackle? The latter tastes like fossilised Coco Pops, however the former has these cloying glacé cherries and cheesy bits of dried fruit that get caught in your molars. In any case, I’ll take both over a honey pleasure.

Christmas beers

Breweries bloody like to launch toasty stouts and hop-heavy ales for the vacations, often pulsing with sultana, cinnamon and rum flavours, and absolutely anything else you may discover in a Christmas pudding. Terrific stuff once you’re in Oregon or Denmark and chestnuts are actually roasting on a hearth, however you’ll be hard-pressed to discover a much less appropriate drink for the Australian summer time (eggnog excepted).

Pigs in blankets

Bacon is scrumptious (duh), and who doesn’t love a superb chipolata? Collectively without delay, although, it’s a hat on a hat. It’s Godzilla versus Mothra. It’s spaghetti on toast. People keep away from the grease overload (on this occasion, anyway) by swaddling their sausage pigs in a pastry blanket as a substitute of extra pig. For a rustic obsessive about pastry, pork and dipping issues in sauce, why the USA has by no means embraced the precise sausage roll is one thing we might by no means perceive.

Marzipan

I’ve the identical relationship with marzipan that I do with up to date artwork. I’m by no means fairly certain what it’s, and I can’t recall if I prefer it. However after one chunk of a moulded Santa or sugar-dusted “fruit”, the recollections come flooding again. “Oh, that’s proper – this edible Play-Doh of raw almonds, sugar and egg white is godawful stuff.”