Naughty or good? How Santa decides which politicians get Christmas items – POLITICO

Guess who’s again?

Sure, it’s that point of yr once more. Don’t get me mistaken, I really like Christmas — however this job will get harder because the years go by: lengthy hours, no breaks and the pay is horrible (milk and cookies! Who will get paid in meals today?). 

However somebody’s gotta do it — these presents received’t magically ship themselves on Christmas Eve!

And it’s not simply kids who get items, the world’s politicians do too — a minimum of those I deem to have been good over the earlier yr.

Talking of politicians, I’ve stored an in depth eye on the COP28 negotiations in Dubai, as (between you and me) I’m fairly grateful for local weather change. Do you might have any thought how chilly it will get up there within the sky in December as I fly round in my sleigh? The reindeer maintain threatening to go on strike if I don’t set up some sort of heating system. No less than now, the night time winter winds are a bit hotter.

I do know the kids are all up in arms concerning the planet warming, however I’m an previous man and I’ve my opinions #sorrynotsorry. (Did I do this proper? Mrs. Claus taught me about hashtags, so I believed I’d strive utilizing them.)

Proper — now it’s time to undergo my listing of leaders and see in the event that they deserve a present for Christmas. I don’t examine the listing twice, by the best way, that’s simply what the music says.

Up first is a simple choice …. Vladimir from Russia.

That’s a no-fly zone if I’ve ever seen one. And never as a result of I’m apprehensive about missiles — human know-how can’t detect me — it’s that the roofs in Crimson Sq. have at all times been too pointy for me. I’m not a fan of wars both, they only don’t seem to be a good suggestion. After which there’s the entire Yeygeny Prigozhin enterprise, very messy.

So no presents for Vladimir this Christmas — both from me or my Russian cousin, Ded Moroz. Like final Christmas and the one earlier than that.

Subsequent on the listing is Volodymyr. Stunned he didn’t ask for a brand new sweater — however really his listing merely asks for a very good night time’s sleep. You and me each, pal! You’re on the great listing.

Subsequent is Olaf from Germany. I do know a snowman by that title, so I suppose you may say I’ve a comfortable spot for Olaf, and that’s in all probability why he makes it onto the great listing.

So let’s give Olaf what he desires … cash. He actually wants money to repair the large gap within the German authorities’s price range.

It’s often round this level within the night that I head south for heat, and Greece is at all times a very good possibility.

Kyriakos could make the great listing, I suppose, as he didn’t actually ask for a lot: just a few previous marbles again. Appears honest sufficient to me. I received’t steal them for him although — I’m Santa, not a felony! — so I can solely provide ethical assist.

Let’s see, who’s subsequent? Now, that is an fascinating one. 

Giorgia from Italy requested for a e book. The Italian prime minister desires a replica of “Uno, nessuno, centomila” by Luigi Pirandello. That’s a very good examine the concept that everybody has a number of personalities. I suppose she desires to be taught extra about the best way to current totally different faces to totally different individuals — good luck remembering who you actually are after that!

I simply hope she’ll perceive this e book, she appeared a bit confused concerning the that means of the Tolkien novel she requested for a couple of years in the past.

Let’s cross the Alps. Manu’s subsequent.

Cheeky fellow, that French chief. I by no means know the place to place him, is he naughty or good? Powerful one.

And he’s requested for a friendship bracelet, to offer to Viktor in Hungary. He appears to have a liking for dangerous boys, does Emmanuel. The friendship bracelet he gave to Vladimir in Russia didn’t work out so nicely. Good on him for not giving up although.

I’ve obtained to get to Brussels now, to somebody who lives in her workplace. Ursula, I feel she’s known as. I’m very dangerous with names. 

She’s requested for one thing unusual: a stuffed wolf. Not simply any wolf, however a fairly particular Canis lupus often known as GW950m. I feel he’s nonetheless alive, in order that feels a bit unethical. Let’s skip that request.

My ultimate cease in Europe is the UK the place Boris desires a toy bus.

I don’t suppose those he builds himself are significantly good, so maybe he wants a mannequin to be taught from. However then once more, does he ever comply with directions?

Whereas it’s good to see he realized to express regret out loud, that received’t repair all of the messes he’s made. He’s nonetheless on my naughty listing — so neglect the bus, mate. Maybe subsequent yr.

And guess what Rishi has requested for? Additionally a toy bus.

What are the possibilities? I ponder if he wants to review a method to ship immigrants to different nations by land now that his Rwanda plan is trying unsure.

Phew, that was exhausting. I must look into hiring a helper. Even members of the European Parliament get assistants. And MEPs hardly do any work.

I’m off to the opposite facet of the Atlantic, the place a great deal of random requests have come. Somebody known as Donald desires a yr’s provide of orange basis as a gift. However I’ll allow you to guess which listing I’ve put him on.

Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus was talking to POLITICO’s Giulia Poloni.